Tumbling Down the Rabbit-hole! on Jan6 07

by 3xL | Print the article |

“This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back. You take the blue pill – the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill – you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes.”

Morpheus, The Martix.

I took the red pill this week… When I asked my wife for a divorce.

I have been thinking so hard about this for so long! I want to be loved for what and who I am, feel desired and appreciated and be able live out my latex fetish on a daily basis!

My wife would never be able to fulfill my needs. She wouldn’t be the one who want to help me slide into a latex sleep sac when I’m 65. She would never put her heart into it. I finally understand that now.

There is no good way to end a relationship there lasted half a lifetime. I feel like the biggest scumbag on the planet! But at the same time I know this is right for me. I have to follow my heart.

See you in “Wonderland”!



Comments

26 Comments so far


  1. 1 AlisonAZ on January 6, 2007 9:48 pm

    As a post-op TS and a latex loving switch, I know a few things about following my bliss and weathering fallout. I am sure there will be many who find you wonderful & interesting. You will also get to live more authenticly. Condolences and congratulations!

  2. 2 Deni on January 6, 2007 9:52 pm

    Ups… if you think this is the right way for you, you should go it but I hope you didn’t do it because you will need help with the sleepsac when you are 65. I am not sure if we all will have fun with rubber when we are 65 ;) .

    However, I wish you all the best and that you never regret this decision.

    Best Wishes,
    Deni from WoR

  3. 3 John on January 7, 2007 12:30 am

    Hey,

    I just read your post and right off the bat I’d like to offer you my sympathies. It’s never easy saying any relationship is over. Friend, girlfriend, boyfriend, wife… They all take a lot to just acknowledge, but to do is a whole other level of strength.

    By the stories you post and how you take care of this website, you have a kind heart. I hope this situation won’t drain you of a lot of the passion you hold for life. Good luck and I hope you find a new love that you can share both your loves with, together.

  4. 4 laycette on January 7, 2007 1:30 am

    Hello latex friend.

    Really sorry to hear that… It does take some courage to articulate what you want and need from a relationship, and also to take the harder road and be truthful with both yourself and your partner. So, congratulations.

    Shying away from confrontation leaves nobody with a chance to be truly happy. BDSM people and especially TS and D/s people, understand this well. When we accept our own and other people’s kinks and deeper selves, we are far less likely to tolerate half-relationsips or interact only on a superficial level. We demand more from those we allow into our lives. It can be a bit isolating, being picky about partners and friends. But it also enriches the bonds we forge with those we are close to.

    And you are right about the future. You need and deserve someone to share your life with, truly and wholly, who accepts and loves all of you, for who and what you are.

    And reciprically, for you to feel the same way about. I wish you all the best in a search for future happiness.

    Warm Regards, laycette

    “Go confidently in the direction of your dreams” – Thoreau

  5. 5 Anonymous on January 7, 2007 1:38 am

    i hope you can part as friends
    and that you find what you are searching for
    as soon as possible

    thank you for all the work you put
    into this site

  6. 6 Anonymous on January 7, 2007 5:32 am

    3XL, let me first say I have been a fan of yours for a LONG time. I remember in the past you talked about your wife and the issuses you all where having. I remember being very happy when she FINALLY wore that outfit your purchased here for LIBEX. Anyway I am married myself ( 7 years ) and it has been a HARD road also. I understand your frustration,anger, and sadness. Please do not try to be hard on yourself. You have to take care of yourself and your needs. I hope the best for you. There has MANY times I have thought about leaving also, but please sir let me ask you this question, is she a good woman and wife. IF we take away the latex fetish, would she a good wife. My wife is not into latex and the only time I get her to wear any latex is during my Birthday, but she is a good woamn that really does care for me. I say leave her if she not a good wife.

  7. 7 Tracy on January 7, 2007 7:31 am

    I don’t know your whole situation, but I think you are doing a brave and honest thing. No one can blame you for being honest with yourself and your relationship. I honor you for what you are doing. I too am going through a life-changing decision. It’s very scary, but in my gut I know it’s the right decision. And for the record, I would help you into latex anytime you wanted. :-)

  8. 8 Anonymous on January 7, 2007 8:51 am

    Great site man,,,Tuff call about your lady.
    But I know what you are going through.I too have a wife that the latex thing is a porblem..well not so much a problem more of a lack of interest and enjoyment.
    And the sad thing is ..you like it or you dont trying to get someone to share your interest or passion about a sexual desire or need is offen a hard up hill battle.
    They get involved but without passion or excitment is like going through the motions..and makes you feel alone and the feeling of not being wanted or left out is not a good one.

    All the best on the rubber girl hunt.

    Mr $$$

  9. 9 Dark on January 7, 2007 12:02 pm

    I am sorry to see an otherwise successful marriage fail… they are entered with such high hopes. Having followed the site and its original purpose… for 3XL to come out his wife and get her into his fetish, I sensed early on that this approach was doomed to failure.

    Something as intimate and personal as fetish and kink is something which needs to be worked out inside of a marriage/relationship… not on the internet. There must have been enormous pressure as 3XL’s mission evolved from outing his fetish and bringing his wife into it… to one of international fetish icon, running around Europe (I presume without wife) in search of fetish thrills. Honey if you are not into this, don’t rain on my parade. (please excuse me if I am making too many assumptions as I don’t know either party personally)

    While pervs who have the itch can identify with the intense need to scratch that itch I can’t see any positive good outcome to this effort because how 3XL’s very public approach was. I feel many none fetish interested wives would ask for a divorce if their pervy husband was out running around virtually on the net and literally around the party scene having become one of the icons in the fetish industry. That’s a lot of pressure to bear up under.

    You can’t teach someone to be a perv. You can hope that they can go through the motions, accept it, love you because of and in spite of it, but if your perv becomes so important that you must reach outside the relationship to satisfy it… you have already abandoned the marriage. I am so sorry this hear happened. Of course, some people do have open marriages and can accommodate these issues by allowing the partners to seek answers outside the traditional marriage solutions.

    I suspect because of our awareness of the net and what is out there, our expectations and frustration with our own circumstances increase rather than decrease. We learn of others who got it to work, who are single, perhaps out there looking for a fetish centered relationship or very fetish friendly at least. It looks so tempting and makes us perhaps up our expectations and even demands on spouses and partners. This may actually have the reverse effect than what is desired… of increasing alienation instead of drawing people together.

    For singles this may be frustrating, but they are not in the situation where you may have invested years in a relationship or family. I don’t think these break ups are uncommon now because of how the scene has evolved itself out of the closet, onto the net and into a vibrant social scene we see today. Years ago many pervs were simply resigned to living lives of quiet desperation. Not so anymore. They want a positive resolution and expect it!

    Many people simply say… why not have what I want and if my partner can’t cut it, I must have made the wrong choice. And in a sense this is true. And it is true because people hide their kinks usually until they are well involved in a relationship where they feel it is safe to come out. A bit of a gamble which in the case of 3XL has not worked out.

    Sex may be no different. People court for a long time and then give it a go in bed… usually after they have fallen in love. If they are not compatible sexually they face the same sort of issues.

    Hopefully as more people grow up in the internet age, they will recognize that something a key as their fetish must be included in their relationship and deal with it early on and start off with a fetish compatible partner. This will only make for a better relationship, assuming all the other good stuff is there… the stuff which makes relationships work.

    I am sure both 3XL and his wife are both terrific people, just mismatched in what is a very key area. I am surprised that their marriage lasted as long as it did under the circumstances. I wouldn’t recommend blogging to the world as a means to save a marriage, but I suspect in time both parties will find the relationships they need and be the wiser for having this experience.

    Good luck to you both.

  10. 10 Fuzzy on January 7, 2007 5:40 pm

    Wow, I didn’t see this before today. I’m really pleased you decided to share this with the readers of the blog, since your relationship with a non-rubberist allowed so many in similar situations to connect to you.

    I realize sometimes I oversimplified things by assuming that latex was the only barrier between you and your wife, when you’ve simply grown into 2 fundamentally different people.

    Best of luck, of course.

  11. 11 rpg7 on January 7, 2007 6:27 pm

    really that it’s sad, but i know that’s the best choice, when it seems like there is nothing more to do,always it’s hard when a relationship ends.
    naturally we want to be loved, as you said, but sometimes the ways tear us apart.

    i know that it’s difficult, but you must stand up straight .
    “Was mich nicht umbringt
    macht mich stärker”.

    the best for you , in a new way.
    fuerza y un abrazo!
    rodrigo.

  12. 12 Observer on January 8, 2007 3:53 am

    Wow, that’s hard.

    Others with more experience have said wiser words than I could – I’ve never been married so do I know eh? I will however sincerely wish you the best in this and I hope things will go well going forward.

  13. 13 Anonymous on January 8, 2007 11:50 pm

    I’m sorry for your loss, 3XL, and I sincerely hope that you are doing the right thing. Acceptance is one way to participate that is rarely discovered and truly recognized and it appears that your wife really did that.
    Participation takes many forms and the one you encountered is valuable. That is, in my opinion, another way of taking the red pill. She isn’t a part of your fetish-world and having a “stranger” accepting you, can be even more valuable than having a foe accepting you.

    Anyway.. I support your choice and hope the best for you in the future, but remember that any latex Goddess will at some point feel the need to do the dishes while you walk the dog ;-)

    Best wishes from RubberDuck

  14. 14 Ancilla Tilia on January 9, 2007 5:18 am

    Wow that’s drastic! I am so sorry to hear that :-( Big hugs to you!!

    You’re right though, you have to follow your heart and it will be better for you both in the end, she won’t be stuck with a husband who’s a pervert and you won’t be tied to a woman who doesn’t understand or appreciate your desires. I know how you feel! It seems Kinky and non-kinky is like heterosexual and homosexual.. it just cannot work out, no matter how much you try and love one another.

    Well maybe now you can start a blog about the search for a kinky soulmate, I am sure it would be a huge succes! ;-)

    I wish you all the strenght in the world to get through these hard times! But then again I know you are a strong person for making this decision.

  15. 15 Anonymous on January 9, 2007 9:47 am

    Best of luck, stay strong and listen to your heart :)

  16. 16 3xL on January 9, 2007 8:47 pm

    Thank you so much for all your kind comments. You support really mean a lot to me!

  17. 17 Anonymous on January 9, 2007 10:36 pm

    Well of course its sad that a marriage/relationship breaks down, especially if there are children involved i do believe that in the long run if one person is not happy in that relationship then they should leave the relationship primarily for the sake of the other person. Let them go and let them try and find somebody they will be happy with. In 3XL case I think it is also surprising that 3XL is the one asking for the divorce. it says quite a lot about his partner that she has allowed him to live the life he has over the last few years. I think most people outside the scene would not have allowed their partner so much freedom.

    Perhaps 3XL has done the right thing for both parties.

  18. 18 Dark on January 9, 2007 11:36 pm
  19. 19 Anonymous on January 10, 2007 12:36 am

    Well, I am sure your decision was a difficult one to make, but from what I hear from you, it seems to be the right one. You can never be truly happy when you cannot live the way you like – and the same goes for your wife. Therefore I believe it will give both of you the chance to find a partner that’s more “compatible” with you.
    The best of luck to you!

    AlexX – http://www.L-A-TEX.com

  20. 20 SunDancer on January 11, 2007 3:58 am

    I feel your pain, my friend, I really do.

    I’ve been in just two truly long-term relationships that had the potential to become life-long. But neither of my partners then were really into my way of life. Eventually, things unravelled.

    Following your heart is the only way to go. Trust your heart, and you will find happiness!

  21. 21 Anonymous on January 12, 2007 8:23 pm

    Hi 3xl,

    Just a quick note as I don’t know you at all but really enjoy your
    site for keeping in touch with all that goes on in the world of latex.
    Like you I have hidden my obsession for years now and really appreciate your portal onto the world of latex. So basically I’m writing to say I’m sorry to have learned you are divorcing your wife. It’s always crap when these things don’t work out. However, I’m sure you’ll find that good
    karma will make its way to you from all you’ve achieved with your
    website and all the people you help keep connected to shiny world!

    All the best for the future!

    Take care,
    Barry. (barry_mcgrath2003@yahoo.ie)

  22. 22 Anonymous on January 18, 2007 5:51 pm

    I just found your site. I am a married lady, and I love latex. My husband, sadly, does not even understand it. He is not willing to participate, help or in any way try to become involved.
    I appreciate your need to find someone with whom you can relate. I must say that my husband is unwilling to participate in anything but the exact same vanilla sex we have EVERY weekend. I tend to operate on auto pilot during these sessions, since he is unwilling to do anything i enjoy or that stimulates me.
    I honor your decision and wish that I, too, was strong enough to take the red pill.
    I love you and thank you for your site & your sacrifice.

  23. 23 3xL on January 19, 2007 8:22 am

    Here is a quick update:

    I’m doing ok! I was really lucky and found a 60 m2 apartment for rent, 10 min away from my wife and daughter.

    My wife and I is still friends and we both want make this work for the sake of our daughter.

    I see my daughter almost every day.

    At the moment I spent most of my time getting settled in my new apartment.

  24. 24 Nova on January 27, 2007 3:59 am

    3XL, my dear sweet friend,
    Our love, friendship and support are with you.

    Had Atticus not made a similar decision he might not have met the woman who will help him into the latex sleep sac at 65…but he did, and now he does.

    You have a wonderful heart, a radiant spirit and an energy that never fades. You will find all that you are looking for – and I’m glad that we are part of your world.

    xoxo
    Nova

  25. 25 Anonymous on April 6, 2007 11:52 pm

    Ok.. so having spoken to you tonight (6th April 2007) I realise I am way behind!!!! Not many people would have had the courage to do what you have done so don’t fell like a “scum bag” sometimes in this life.. you have to do what is right for you hun!
    Was glad to read the update though and it seems you are adjusting ok and its great you see your daughter too!
    Take care R

    love and best wishes

    scarlet xxx

  26. 26 Latextex on December 19, 2008 5:22 am

    Dear 3XL,
    Everyone has already expressed my feelings about your divorce and the cause, ie. mixed. Just to add a comment about the first comment. I am now 68, and still love my latex sleepsack, and I have friends who are 78 who also are still very active in latex. It doesn’t end till you do.
    I was lucky enough to have my wife’s participation in my latex fetish for over 30 years. Then she got tired of it. It was not her fetish; just her love for me that got her to go along. I am now a solo latex player, but that’s OK too. I had 30 great years that most latex guys would envy for just one year. I never considered taking a pill.
    Latextex

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