When you are living with a woman, you also has to live with her shoes. This is even more true if the woman you love is kinky and has a thing for heels!
I find my wife’s shoes all over our apartment. In the hallway, in the dresser and under the bed. She got a chest full of shoes and boots and boxes in the basement. If we had a attic, they would surely be there too! Sounds familiar?
So this week I came up with a smart and cheap way to store a lot of my wife’s stilettos, pumps etc. I call it the “BYGEL Stiletto Shoe Rack“!
It’s made with six 55 cm BYGEL Rail from Ikea, that I attached to the side of our dresser, creating a vertical shoe rack with a storage capacity of 18 pairs of stiletto shoes.
The BYGEL Rail is very cheap and is perfect for shoe storage as the shoes don’t get scratches and tears from lying up against other shoes and boots.
My wife was very excited and filled out the whole rack instantly and then proclaimed that since she now has lots of room for shoes, I should take her shopping for some new shoes!
As a woman in the unusual position of being a femdomme fetishist having re-entered the dating pool – still not sure if I’m treading water in the deep end, casually wading in the shallow end or doing laps back and forth! – I have been observing a considerable amount of bitter feelings and loss of hope among the men on the number of fetish and SM dating sites I have my profile listed on.
While I am not “actively looking”, I find myself being looked at often – as well as directly approached – and so I look back.
I am truly amazed by much of what I see – and not in a good way.
A number of men actually have to poor sense to write into their profiles statements such as “all the women here are fakes anyhow” or “I’m not filling in my profile because it’s not worth the effort” and other statements to this effect.
I can only presume that it could be because they have either had negative interactions or none at all.
Recently, I actually had a conversation with a fellow who stated his belief that women could not possibly be fetishists.
When I tried to set him straight, he actually accused me of being a liar!
Wow.
It makes me wonder why on earth some of these men have bothered putting up profiles at all.
Can you say “Self-fulfilling prophecy”?
Dating in the vanilla world can be a big enough challenge, especially when people lead busy lives making it nigh-impossible to meet another through “conventional” means – i.e. through mutual friends or at a party.
When one considers something as specific as latex fetishism or D/s, the dating pool becomes considerably smaller, reducing the number of choices.
I’ve become particularly aware of this within the rubber community.
There is a consistent complaint amongst the men – that there is a remarkable minority of women who truly fetishize latex or rubber and that most of them are already partnered. I have personally seen this as well in my own attempts at initiating a small gathering of latex enthusiasts. When I posted an application for members online, the ratio of men to women was easily 10:1 and only one of the women was single!
Needless to say, this has now become a “back-burner” item.
Then there’s the statement I often hear from submissive men. Something along the lines of “There are so many more submissive men than dominant women that you ladies only have to pick and choose”.
Not true at all!
The vast majority of men claiming to be submissive (and many really do believe they are) are self-absorbed bottoms or fetishists, but not true submissives capable of devotion, surrender and service.
It is not at all easy for dominant women to make a worthwhile connection.
Now I have to say, if you fellas think you’ve got it hard, allow me to provide you with some perspective…
I am both a dominant and a fetishist.
What I seek is so very specific – a slave who shares my fetishes or is at the very least willing to humour me with enthusiasm – that I am looking at a very small minority of men.
*Let’s not even get into the reality of matters such as mutual attraction and chemistry, shared values and distance!*
Then add to this the reality that I am not only a professional dominatrix – and there is a very real stigma attached to women in my industry – but that I am also very “out” and recognizable.
Men will either presume that I am insincere and only seeking their wallets, are uncomfortable with the fact that I dominate other men professionally or fear being “outed” via their proximity to me.
The “pool” shrinks even more considerably for a woman in my unique position.
That said…
Am I jaded or embittered?
No way!
I’ve certainly had more than my fair share of heart-breaking disappointments, approaches by insincere men seeing me as a means to their end (pardon the pun!), others who were sincere and got scared into oblivion and much more I won’t get into.
If I haven’t given up hope, no one else should – in my not-so-humble opinion.
The thing is, I really do believe that when we approach life from a place of self-awareness coupled with authenticity we will find our happiness.
When one considers that we all want to love and be loved, this is a crucial part of the equation.
Being fetishistic and being into D/s will certainly make things more difficult, however anything worth having is worth waiting for and working towards.
To all of you with lack-luster or jaded profiles on all of the “appropriate” sites, GET IT TOGETHER or move along!
You get out of life what you put in.
Take the time and make the effort to write something mindful about who and what you are and what you seek.
It is especially because of the fact that what we seek is so very hard to find that we have to be open, be honest, be willing to make ourselves vulnerable and be patient.
Ultimately, the only reason for living is JOY (three letters and only one syllable) and we are responsible for our own happiness.
In the very immortal words of Joseph Campbell “Follow your bliss”.
The most sound advice I have ever read.
The FetishEvolution Weekend is one of the worlds best fetish weekends – and one has only to take a peek at the unique setting and all the fetish events to understand why. The FetishEvolution Weekend 2010 wont be an exception!
With the majority of the visitors booked into a five star luxury Hotel, the weekend this year offers not only opportunities for fetish shopping and dining, but also a variety of fetish parties and smaller events that is sure to satisfy any fetish connoisseur.
This year the FetishEvolution Ball even returns to the amazing mudiART on Easter Sunday, a location that is seen as one of the most elaborate and extravagant venues in Northern Europe!
Program:
- Friday April 2nd: Models & Makers reception from 18h at Hotel Bredeney, Essen.
- Saturday April 3rd: Dinner Deluxe from 19h, PreParty from 22h at Lokschuppen, Bottrop.
- Sunday April 4th: Fetish Evolution Ball from 22h at MudiaArt, Essen.
- Monday April 5th: Fetish Brunch at Hotel Bredeney, Essen and Playparty from 21h, at the mudiArt Vault and the play hall, Essen.
- Expo & Art-Bizarre on Saturday and Sunday at Hotel Bredeney, Essen.
Please note: All double rooms in the Hotel Bredeney are already booked out and FetishEvolution recommend the Mercure Plaza Hotel for all others.
FetishEvolution Weekend on Easter weekend, Friday, 2 April – Monday, 5 April, Essen, Germany. Dresscode: Latex, Lack, Leder, Fetishglam, Uniforms, Rokkoko, Cyber, Corsagen, Fantasy, Drag, TV, Classic Smoking.
Visit the FetishEvolution Weekend website for more information.
Starting this new decade with yet another eminent creation, Fetish Map London 2010/11, offers all fetishists, worldwide, the most all-encompassing, informative and indispensable guide for all fetish necessities and desires: shopping, clubbing, socialising, essential services, munches and many more, at a convenient pocket size.
Fetish Map London is the must-have accessory amongst all fetish enthusiasts and connoisseurs, and an essential to novices far and near. It is the ultimate all-encompassing guide for the pansexual adventurers wishing to explore an eccentric, mischievous London. Whether you live in London or plan a memorable and unique sojourn in our capital city, the Fetish Map London is your best chance to find that special place when your thoughts turn to playful adventure.
Fetish Map London is published by PictureRama and can be purchased for just £3.00 (plus p&p) on-line at: www.fetishmap.co.uk
Fetish icon Rubbereva has re-suited and rebooted her online shop in a swanky makeover which sees the brand flex its retail muscles. Known for progressive use of new media and fetish exploration, R.E Productions consolidate its online reputation for up-to-date design and slick presentation with the RubberEva Shop.
‘It has taken an age to launch as it has been built and coded from the ground up by our team,’ Eva explained. ‘I wanted a really modern funky site.’ The shop has a range of affordable clothing and play accessories including some rather fetching clinical and military wear, some excellent inflatable hoods and specialist lines in adult baby wear and plastic.
In a season which has seen Top Shop enter rubber retail, Eva’s inspiration for her project has been validated. She added: ‘I designed all the rubber clothing myself under the new label Rubber Eva Clothing – exclusive to the shop. People are forced to pay far too much for clothing when really they are only paying for the designer label.’
The new outlet is work in progress and is only a third full but each week RubberEva and her team will keep adding new items to keep it fresh. The revamp brings the clothing side into line with sister sites RubberEva, Video:Eva, TheRubberClinic, Plastic Lovers, Plastic Nappy and P.B Productions which have been at the forefront of HD download delivery in recent years.
Last Saturday night Northbound Leather celebrated their 20th anniversary with a stellar bash at Revival, here in Toronto.
This is a particularly significant occasion as Northbound Leather were the vanguard of the fetish scene, having hosted the very first fetish events, thereby bringing fetish out into the open and enabling our existing freedoms in our expression.
Let me first say “Wow, what a bash!”
The three story club was equipped with a playroom in the basement, a lounge on the second floor and a large dance floor on the main level lined with a bar on one side and seating on the other.
The djs’ beats were hard and pounding in a venue that was once a church – and there were those of us being worshipped!
A number of us had been anticipating the event since George from Northbound had announced the date and venue.
I arrived with my good friends rubberraccoon – one of the founders of “Fetish Night” – and his lady Wintermute, having prefaced the event with a “getting ready” pre-party at my home.
We encountered Lady J (local dominatrix and one of my best friends) and KardynylSynysTyr (her partner, another great friend and writer for “von Gutenberg Magazine”) shortly after a perusal of the space.
Our party was then complete with the arrival of my good friend Baroness and her three boys – all on leashes!
Mistress Katina – another good domme friend of mine – even joined our little group for a while. It’s always good to see her.
The layout of the venue was not exactly conducive to conversation among groups as the seating was linear – only enabling conversation on either side.
That said, there was a tremendous amount of eye-candy featuring a surprising number of attendees in latex!
Our numbers are growing here in my home town.
While long latex gowns, stiletto heels and absinthe (consumed at my home and not available at the bar!) may not be the wisest combination, I somehow made it back home without a single rip!
Whew.
What a relief!
*Apparently I hadn’t really thought that one through, however everything worked out just fine.*
As this was a particularly special occasion, the folks at Northbound also arranged for some performances, featuring Lotus Lily artfully demonstrating her self rope bondage skills (and what skills they are!) as well as Baron Markus darkly crooning his gothic-flavoured tunes a la 2010.
Rumor on the street has it that this may become a semi-regular event.
I will certainly keep you posted.
